What are the qualities that your mother tried to instill in you?
Pam Ryker, left, and Connie Covert share a moment of joy with their mother, Genny Evans. (Submitted photo)
(Editor’s note: The Criterion invited you, our readers, to share your stories and tributes about motherhood from two perspectives—the gift of having your mom and the gift of being a mom. We have received so many wonderful responses that we are sharing another collection of stories this week. See part four)
By John Shaughnessy
If you were asked to share the qualities that your mom tried to instill in you, the lasting example she tried to set for you—what would you say?
Monica Livers and Diane Raver have considered that question extensively since their mother, Anna Mae Raver, died in January of this year at the age of 86.
“She was a wonderful mother instilling in us by example to put others first, work hard, love completely, forgive quickly, and keep God present in our lives,” Livers says.
Raver adds, “She taught me the importance of finding joy in the little things, whether it be making a special dessert, enjoying the sunshine on a beautiful summer day, or having a sweet treat. She stressed the importance of family and being together. Most importantly, she taught us by example to trust in God, believe in the power of prayer, and to always attend Mass.”
The sisters recall the different ways their mom brought those qualities to life as they grew up on the family farm in Oldenburg with her, their dad Elmer, and their five other siblings.
While their dad farmed, their mom took care of the seven children, cleaned the house, tended a large garden, canned fruits and vegetables, fed the animals and baled hay. She also made dresses for her five girls and shirts for her two sons. Still, maybe her best talents were as a cook and a baker—which made an impression on Livers’ seven children later in life.
“When I was cooking French toast for breakfast one morning, our son Alex climbed up on a chair next to me and proceeded to tell me I wasn’t making it right because ‘that’s not how Grandma made it,’ ” Livers says. “Another time, our son Amos asked if Grandma could move in with us so he could eat good food every day.”
The sisters, both members of Holy Family Parish in Oldenburg, also note the many examples of love that their mom shared, including how she cared for their dad when health issues required him to sleep in a hospital bed in the family’s living room. Their mother slept on a couch next to him, so she was close when he needed any help.
In a letter about their mom that they wrote together, Livers and Raver also focus on the depth of her faith.
“Besides being at home on the farm, Holy Family Church was Mom’s favorite place to be,” they note. “When she faced a difficult time, she came to the church to light a devotional candle and pray. Mom often had a rosary in her hand. When she felt we needed to, she would announce we were going to say the rosary. As kids, we would sigh and whine but, ultimately, we would all kneel, and she would lead us in the prayers.
“Mom left us with many wonderful memories and life lessons that we will carry with us always.”
‘It’s the best job in the world’
The extended family of Jeannine Domescik knew she was dying soon. They also remembered all the times—even as she suffered from dementia—she had told each of them, “I love you.” So, the rules of a hospital weren’t going to stop them from trying to let her know how much they loved her.
“We had a different kind of family gathering a few days before she died,” recalls her daughter, Pamela Proctor, a member of Our Lady of the Greenwood Parish in Greenwood. “We were able to break the hospital rules and about 15 of us were there in her room.
“We had each family’s picture taken with her. We sang, prayed and spent time loving her. My nephew asked what she would like him to pray about for her. She just asked that God would keep us all safe.”
The selflessness of that prayer request reflected her mother’s approach to her family, Proctor says. That attitude mirrors how Proctor and many women also approach being a mom.
“I love being a mother, and so did my mother,” Proctor says. “It’s the best job in the world, and I am grateful that God in his love and wisdom entrusted me with raising our children.
“It has not always been an easy road to travel, and it is not promised that it would be. I have turned to the Holy Family and our patron saints many times for their intercession during difficult times. It takes the theological and cardinal virtues to weather the stormy times, but with faith and trust, I have been able to enjoy the fruits of perseverance in my vocation of motherhood.”
‘I loved the sound of her voice’
One of the great gifts that parents can give their children is reading to them.
Pam Ryker had the joy of sharing that experience with her mother, Genny Evans. It was also an experience that helped reveal the depth of her mother’s faith, another gift that Evans passed along to her daughter.
“My earliest memories of childhood stories come from nap time, my loving mother and her copy of Catholic Mothers Helper,” recalls Ryker, a member of St. Barnabas Parish in Indianapolis. “The book contained biblical stories about Noah and the Ark, Adam and Eve, and the events of the New Testament—told in a format for pre-school children.
“At naptime, Mom would lay down with me and begin reading a story from her book. This was a simple book without glossy pictures; just the words. I loved the stories and the sound of her voice. Even though I tried to fight off falling asleep, the stories and her gentle voice lulled me to slumber.”
Still, it’s the story of her mom’s approach to life that has had the most lasting impact on Ryker. That impact has continued even after Evans died in 2014 at the age of 90.
“Mom’s faith was evident in her everyday way of life, the choices she made, the activities she got involved in, the way she cared for her family and others. She shaped my faith, life and love by showing me through her actions, and I have tried to do the same. There is no better lesson than watching a mom at work.” †
